There are several articles on peak performance coaching:

What is NLP and its Benefits?
Breaking Procrastination – The NLP Way!
Why Bother to Understand and Learn NLP?
NLP Strategies Unfold – How it Actually Work!
NLP – Six Simple Steps to Train Your Mind for Confidence and Success
Secrets to Motivating Others Around You
CHARGING Your Customer Service Division for Outstanding Customer Service!
How to Get Instant Rapport with People?
Increasing Business Result Over The Phone!

"What is NLP and it’s Benefits?

"One’s fate can be altered with every new lesson learned!" Dave J.

NLP, or Neuro-Linguistic-Programming, is the art and science that can be described in a nutshell, as an "attitude and a methodology that leaves behind a trail of techniques."

"First, the attitude of NLP is one of curiosity and experimentation. Next, the methodology is modeling, which is the process of duplicating excellent behavior. Another person's behavior can be duplicated by studying what that person does inside their head (language, filters, programs, etc.) to produce results.

NLP was initially created in 1975 by Richard Bandler and John Grinder, who began modeling and duplicating the "magical results" of a few top communicators and therapists. Some of the first people to be studied included Hypnotherapist Milton Erickson, gestalt therapist Fritz Perls and family therapist Virginia Satir. Since then, many others have contributed to the growth and development of the field. And finally, the trail of techniques created through this type of modeling is what is commonly known as NLP.

Today, NLP is widely used in business to improve management, sales and achievement/performance, inter-personal skills; in education to better understand learning styles, develop rapport with students and parents and to aid in motivation; and of course, NLP is a profound set of tools for personal development.

Can you surf the Internet? Surely you can surf the Internet! And we know you know computers!

… But what about your mind? You've managed to use a Web Browser and you're here, aren't you? But how much do you know about what's going on inside yourself and others? Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is about just that. Knowing about what is going on inside you and what's going on inside others! Perhaps you've wondered, "How do I communicate better," or, "How do I get in control of my own personal computer – my brain!" New technology finally makes it easy to understand how we think, how we communicate, and how we process emotions!

NLP techniques and processes help us to understand ourselves and others, and to produce new, and more effective ways to:

• Attract the right person for you
• Create ideal relationships
• Advance your career & make more money
• Increase motivation and energy
• Create your desired self-image
• Communicate to produce the kind of results you want

Neuro-Linguistic-Programming (NLP) is a behavioral technology, which simply means that it is a set of guiding principles, attitudes, and techniques about real-life behavior, and not a removed, scientific theorem. It allows you to change, adopt or eliminate behaviors, as you desire, and gives you the ability to choose your mental, emotional, and physical states of well-being. With NLP, you learn how to grow from every single life experience, thus increasing your ability to create a better quality of life – both at work and at home.

NLP is a very pragmatic technology based on an ability to produce your desired results, thus allowing you to become proficient at creating your future! In the end it is not a lot different from understanding how to program a computer – your own bio-computer.

If you understand computers, you already understand how NLP works! Computers are about man-machine interface. NLP is about mind-body interface. The entire process is very similar! Hence, self mastery begins with understanding of your brain.


WHAT OTHERS SAY ABOUT NLP:

"NLP cannot be dismissed as just another hustle. Its theoretical underpinnings represent an ambitious attempt to codify and synthesize the insights of linguistics, body language, and the study of communication systems."  Psychology Today, USA

"(NLP) does offer the potential for making changes without the usual agony that accompanies these phenomena. . . Thus it affords the opportunity to gain flexibility, creativity, and greater freedom of action than most of us now know. . ."  Training and Development Journal, UK

“. . . real estate brokers and salespeople use Neuro-Linguistics to enhance their communication skills and provide them with more choices when working in a difficult situation. . . it shows how we make sense of the world around us and communicate."  Real Estate Today, USA

Breaking Procrastination – The NLP Way!

"Enlighten yourself by seeing failure at work, or failure in life as a stepping stone to your personal progress!" Dave J.

Many of us procrastinate doing something for many reasons. Sometimes it's a result of perfectionism – we simply have to get things “right” before getting started. We reason that if we can't do it perfectly, maybe we shouldn't do it at all. Or, we procrastinate because something is unpleasant. We just don't want to do it, period!

We also procrastinate because of deep seated fears – something that we “collected” along the years consciously or accidentally. Unfounded fears mind you, but fears nonetheless. For example, what if we do that thing and we fail? We can learn from our mistakes if we'll look at them from a new perspective. Adversity arms us with increased knowledge, ability, and experience. Not to mention increased self-confidence because we overcame the perceived challenge. Yes, the key word here is "perceived." It's all in how we look at it. One person's passion is another's peril.

1) Forget motivation. Just do it. It sounds a bit harsh, but sometimes we just have to do it. Get started on that task we don't want to do. Because if we wait until we're motivated, that day never comes. There are certain things we simply will never want to do. Whether it's cleaning the garage, clearing clutter from a closet, or completing a report.

2) In overcoming procrastination, all the motivational “hullabaloo” and “psychobabble” won't always work. Face your fears. What do you need to change? What part of YOU do you need to change? The only way out of fear is to go through it.

3) Take action. Get moving. Don't wait another day. The future is now. Whatever you do, don't stew. As the saying goes, worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due. Ever notice that once you get started on a task, after a while you're on a roll? For example, you say to yourself, "I'm going to work on this project for half an hour, then, if I want to stop I can."

4) The hardest part of overcoming procrastination is getting started. Try an experiment. Tell yourself you will work on that thing for just twenty minutes. After that, don't stop if you feel like continuing. Press through until you've finished. See if you don't feel better.

5) Think about how good you'll feel when it's done. See if this sounds familiar: Consider a time when you've procrastinated doing something. All the while you're working on a fun task instead. But in the back of your mind, you're thinking about what you should be doing. And it ruins all the fun!

Once you complete the task you'd procrastinated, you feel so much better, lighter and happier. You're saying to yourself, "If only I'd completed this sooner. I would have been so much better off!" Sound familiar? Been there, done that. In overcoming procrastination, think AHEAD of time how much better you'll feel just getting it done. You'll feel a surge of energy and self-esteem.

6) Don't take failure personally. Don't internalize it. So, what if you finally do that thing and it doesn't go as planned? See it as a learning experience. See your setback as temporary, not as a permanent fatal flaw. Remember, it's our response that determines if we will keep moving forward or give up.

7) Avoid blaming. Let go the mistake but don't lose the lesson. If we are always looking for outside circumstances or someone else to blame, we're not moving forward. Don't be a blamer. You know these people. Maybe someone you work or live with. They're so focused on blaming. They never learn the lesson to move them toward success.

8) Adversity creates maturity. Overcoming adversity builds strength and character. It shifts our priorities and changes our perspective. Petty annoyances don't matter as much. For example, several years ago in Singapore Suntec City, I delivered a keynote speech to heart-attack survivors and their relatives. I had them break into groups and share what they'd learned from a heart-attack diagnosis. Here were some phrases I heard many times over: "I've learned not to sweat the small stuff. I now know what matters. My relationships have improved. I have a greater appreciation for nature."

9) Find mentors. Model yourself after people you admire. What steps have they taken in overcoming procrastination, facing their fears, and achieving success? See if you can talk with them. Heed their advice. Listening to others share how they've overcome adversity is a huge motivator. You realize you're not alone. Don't isolate. Don't try to do it all on your own. Isolation is the killer of dreams. Take it a step at a time. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

In short, there is no miracle to breaking procrastination or the fear of taking action. The intention to taking action must come from your soul. The best way to do that is to identify 15 or even 20 compelling reasons why you must actually take certain actions, or complete a particular task. By the time you reach the 15th or the 17th reason, you already found the “momentum” to overcome your procrastination.

Do this the next time you landed yourself into procrastination mode.

Why Bother to Understand and Learn NLP?

While many people study NLP techniques for their own personal growth and development, they are also of the utmost value to the professional. Some professions using NLP include:

Salespeople, Business Executives, Managers, Business Owners,
Lawyers, Teachers, Trainers, Counselors, Educators, Doctors,
Chiropractors, Massage Therapists, Consultants, Hypnotherapists,
Psychologists, Athletes, Entertainers and Performers.

Regardless of profession, the majority of NLP participants are searching, and finding, better and more effective ways to increase their performance and improve their effectiveness.

Through using these techniques, you will be experiencing personal happiness and professional success to be much more consistent, and much more predictable. Your effectiveness working with others will be dramatically increased, and your ability to empower yourself for optimum results will be increased. You will be able to generate empowering emotional states within yourself at will, eliminate any negative emotions or limiting decisions, identify and change limiting beliefs, inspire yourself with a compelling future that will have much better chances of coming true, and create patterns of excellence from any role model you choose.

The positive result of using NLP is limitless! Whether you're already succeeding in your profession, having some difficulties, or if you're transitioning into a new position, NLP techniques can help you achieve, maintain and enhance excellence. Managers and Entrepreneurs use the information to develop strong teamwork and relationships, and to foster positive interpersonal skills. Negotiations and problem solving sessions are enhanced to create solution-oriented, win-win approaches.

Salespeople learn to build deep levels of rapport, elicit and fulfill the criteria and values of clients, and develop effective methods for handling buyer's remorse or future objections so the sales relationship is long-term and mutually satisfying. Trainers and Educators learn new paradigms for inspiring and engaging students, as well as effective techniques for dealing with challenging learning environments.

Mental Health Professionals learn new skills and techniques that supplement their repertoire, and gain additional insights into helping clients make the changes that support their own process of healing. Medical Professionals learn techniques to better elicit information from clients, and to help the client be more comfortable with and receptive to treatment, thus supporting them to heal in a more responsive fashion.

The application of NLP is wide and endless. It can also aid small to large business corporations to instill a productive mindset amongst their employees, motivate their employees for higher performance and helping them to be more adaptable to sudden change in working and market environments. An independent survey shown that 82% Fortune 500 companies have used or are using NLP as part of their employee educational programs.

NLP Strategies Unfold – How it Actually Work!

One’s thought patterns, beliefs and attitudes can be used to “preprogram” actual experiences that are yet to happen. NLP is very focused on how we think, what influences the way we think, and how we structure what we think. Subscribers to the science are encouraged to closely study and then model those individuals who do things well.

When studying them, you don’t ask them how they did it—just what they were thinking when they did it. For example, if you asked Michael Jordan how to play basketball, he could give you a big list of dos and don’ts. He might outline a series of necessary drills, but that is not what NLP is about. Instead, you would find out how Michael Jordan perceives basketball in his mind. What are his beliefs and attitudes about basketball? When he makes a decision on the court, what is he thinking?

NLP is made up of several different models, each then having different techniques associated with it. Let’s break NLP down further and take a basic look at some of its major models.

Sub-modalities: The Five Senses

Perhaps the foundation is, simply enough, our five senses. Each of us takes in the world around us through our five senses: seeing, hearing, feeling (both tangible and emotional), tasting and smelling. Everything and anything we think about in life, and the resulting beliefs and attitudes we form, can be based on what we receive and then interpret through these sub-modalities. Taking it a step further, with the entirety of our life experiences encapsulated in our memories as we experienced them through our senses, we can recreate those experiences in our minds, alter them if need be and thus gain tremendous power over our thought patterns, beliefs and ultimately the outward manifestation of such through our capabilities and achievements. The way you structure these representations in your mind determines how you will respond.

Try a basic experiment. Picture someone in your mind you hold very dear to your heart. Now, in your mind’s eye, enhance and intensify the colors of the image and observe how you respond. What happens when you turn up the volume of what has been said? What about if you visualize the image in shades of gray instead of color? For most people, “turning up” the colors or sounds also intensifies feelings, while turning them down diminishes those feelings. Cultivating your ability to fine-tune the way you perceive things, or the way your mind represents things, can be used to make powerful changes in your life. Once you realize that you can, in essence, create your world, you also realize that you also have the power to change it.

Meta-Model

A meta-model is a set of questions that are developed for the specific purpose of finding the exact meaning in a person’s communication. For example, often when we communicate, we generalize, or we may even distort information or leave it out altogether—intentionally or unintentionally, consciously or subconsciously. Individuals who use meta-models are able to systematically verify and clarify both verbal and written communication in order to communicate even more clearly and precisely.

Sensory Acuity

Our thought processes are very closely tied to our physiology. For example, people can sense that you’re happy, scared or angry without you even saying anything. Body language sends out strong cues about how we’re feeling. That is, our posture, our eyes, our head position, etc. all say a lot about us. Most body language is fairly obvious, but sensory acuity takes these observations beyond the obvious and uses physical feedback in addition to verbal communication to be as discerning as possible. Verbal cues even give some suggestion of which sensory modality a person operates from most strongly. For example, if someone says, “I hear what you’re saying” versus “I see what you mean,” it suggests that his or her auditory sense is more dominant than his or her visual one. It is helpful to give this concept consideration since miscommunication can often simply result from two people trying to talk about the exact same thing, only in different ways. Some experts argue that if certain thought processes are reinforced enough, over a long enough period of time, they can actually alter a person’s physiological state.

Milton-Model

The Milton-Model, named after Milton Erickson, the father of modern hypnotherapy, is a set of linguistic patterns that are designed to guide an individual without actually disrupting the way s/he is experiencing the particular activity internally. For example, the command “Recall a time when you were crying” doesn’t dictate whether the person was sobbing uncontrollably or weeping softly in the memory. This skill of describing feelings, places, events and activities in a manner that is specific and yet still universal allows the user to develop rapport with his or her subject. It also helps move the subject into a trancelike state. As a result, the Milton-Model is commonly used to induce hypnosis.

Meta-Programs

Meta-programs are essentially the “looking glasses” through which we view the world. The classic “Is the glass half full or half empty?” is a perfect meta-program example. Meta-programs control our personality and therefore how we behave. For instance, do you tend to be more of an active or passive person? Do you focus more internally or externally on the world around you? Is your orientation more focused on the past, the future or the here and now? Two people may regard the exact same thing from totally different angles, to the extent that that “exact same thing” may actually become a very different thing altogether. For example, do you move towards your goals, or do you move away from the things that are not your goals? One may simply seem like an inverted restatement of the other, but each has its own distinct nuance.

NLP – Six Simple Steps to Train Your Mind for Confidence and Success

The internal voice is the voice of the mind talking to us. Everyone has a voice inside of them that affects our success and failure. This is the most significant voice of all. The voice maybe encouraging us to try something that we haven’t done before or holding us back from us from situations where we feel we are likely to make a fool of ourselves. In this way, this conversation that we keep having with ourselves decides our level of confidence and accent.

The best way to use this internal dialogue to our advantage is to replace all the negative talk that the mind gives us with positive one. Every time you find yourself saying something negative, stop and think something nicer and more pleasant. Slowly, you will be feeling much more confident and cheerful and your accent will improve. As we go on practicing this, our belief in our capability will strengthen leading to higher success.

These are the 6 simple yet powerful steps you can implement today that will transform your negative thoughts into positive beliefs for better living.

1) First of all, you need to observe where the internal voice is coming from and decide its location.

2) Now try to go back to a situation in life where you were confident of yourself. Try to imagine yourself in that situation again. Remember what you felt, saw, heard and spoke as if it were happening right now. Try to recall your tone of voice. Monitor the changes between your usual voice and voice you had used in that situation and see whether the new voice is louder or softer, whether it is clearer and easier to understand, or whether the rate of speech is faster. When you accomplish this, put this new more confident voice in the location of the old internal voice.

3) Go back to all the negative statements that you tend to tell yourself. They maybe statements like:
  ”My boss will never appreciate me.”
  ”I am not quite confident.”
  ”I can’t give speeches.”
  ”I will not be able to complete that project.”
  “I think I will never find anyone I can settle with.”

4) For all of these suggestions that you give yourself continuously, invent more positive reverse statements:

  “My boss appreciates me whenever I deliver solutions.”
  “Confidence comes naturally to me.”
  “I can give good speeches.”
  “I am capable enough to take over that project.”
  “I can see a great life ahead with a loving partner.”

5) Keep on giving these positive suggestions to yourself in the new more confident inner voice that you have put in place of the old hesitant one.

6) And when at any time in the future you find that you are talking negatively to yourself, take a deep breath and stop. Repeat all the positive suggestions in your mind three times. Keep doing this until it becomes an established habit.

Eventually, you will start believing in this new positive internal voice and the negative suggestions will no longer affect you harmfully. When we keep on telling ourselves that we are not skilled enough for something, we actually lose our esteem in our own eyes. The more we believe something is within our reach, the closer it becomes for us.

At no loss to you, I implore you to practice these steps today and implement them for a happy and successful life.

Secrets to Motivating Others Around You

“Don’t ‘tell’ to get things done, but motivate instead!” Dave J.

When a manager of business corporation thinks of ways of motivating her subordinates the first image that comes to mind is that of a coach gathering her team members together before a big project and giving them a pep talk and getting them all revved up to go out on the field to perform their very best.

While this initial form of encouragement may work at the onset, usually halfway through the project it has worn off.

It is therefore more important to find more permanent ways of motivating others.

While it is strongly believed that individuals cannot be made to act in one manner or another, it is possible on the other hand to create a favorable environment that will encourage people to act in a certain way and also will help to foster a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment for their achievements.

People become motivated when others defer to them for advice. Many individuals make the mistake of assuming that it is demeaning to them in one way or another to ask for advice of another, especially from someone who is lower then them at work. This is not the case.

When you ask advice of a person who is more knowledgeable in a given area than you are, you instill motivation in them because they realize that they must be viewed as competent or otherwise no one would ask them for their thoughts, ideas or suggestions.

This helps employees to feel that they are a worthwhile part of the greater whole of their workplace. When it comes to employees be aware that "people support a plan or a project which they have helped to develop."

Always seek to keep other people "in the loop" about what is going on whether it is family meetings or employee meetings at the office. At work make sure the meetings are relevant to those who attend and make sure they are full of useful information.

Employees in general feel more confident and are more motivated to do their best work when they are kept informed about the happenings around the office.

As well people are pleased when their immediate managers communicate vital workplace information to them. Make sure you share the end goals with your employees as well because no matter how choked full of information a meeting is, if it does not include the hoped for goals or results employees will quickly become bored, restless, confused and frustrated and will probably be looking for an excuse to get out of the meeting and return to work!

This is also the case with family meetings. Once children are old enough to understand, include them in the meetings as this will make them feel a part of things and will give them a sense of pride.

Being praised for work well done is one of the greatest motivators for anyone. This can be done most easily in the workplace but it can also be done in the home, such as when you praise someone for a delicious meal or praise how he or she painted a room or redecorated a wing of the house or when you praise someone's flower or vegetable garden.

Praise makes a person feel recognized and it also adds a sense of meaningfulness to just about any project, task, assignment or chore. All praise is relevant and appreciated but sometimes zeroing in on a particular aspect of a job and praising someone for that is so important. This is especially the case when a person has been working towards a goal for a very long time and needs all the encouragement and motivation he or she can get.

Knowing the right way to motivate others within your organization not only proven to be profitable to your business, but also elevate your “popularity poll” amongst your subordinates. Get started and give it a try….!

CHARGING Your Customer Service Division for Outstanding Customer Service!

For most frontline managers, providing outstanding customer service is one of the most rewarding yet challenging activities within their organization. Exceptional organizations that provide outstanding customer service will experience the following benefits:

- Increased profits
- Increased customer satisfaction
- Increased revenues
- Increased repeat and referral customer traffic
- Less employee turnover
 
So how do we support and motivate our customer service division to give outstanding customer service? The following are six secrets to motivate your customer service team to give exceptional customer service to your customers:

1)  Monitor the Attitude – Constantly work on your own attitude and your team’s attitude to providing outstanding customer service. As a customer service leader, always be aware of the tone you set and how your customer service team will be motivated by your attitude. If you are upbeat, your team will follow the lead and provide outstanding customer service. If you have a negative attitude, your customer service team will follow your lead and communicate this negative attitude to the customers they serve.

Work with your customer service team members to create a positive attitude in the following ways:

- Look at every customer service experience as a learning experience that is preparing 
   them for future opportunities.
- Put your team in the customer’s shoes to understand the customer’s “pain” and create
   empathy for outstanding customer service solutions
- Have your customer service team take on the persona of a positive individual they
   admire to help them through a difficult customer service situation.
- Create “positive triggers” to remind your customer service team why it is important to
   give outstanding service. Your trigger could be as simple as a family picture or a
   picture of an item (new car, home, etc.) that is important to you.

2)  Furnish Ongoing Learning – It’s important that you not only provide training on organizational policies and technology, but also how to handle customers. Create an ongoing system for training and feedback. Request continuous feedback and have the “courage to listen” to your customer service team’s responses. Your customer service team members, because they are on the frontline, can provide you with excellent information on how to service your customer. Market conditions are changing all the time and the one piece of information your customer service team can share with you can make the difference between success and failure. After receiving the information from your customer service rep, if necessary, provide the training to your customer service team so that they can provide outstanding customer service.

3)  Be Generous – Motivate your customer service team by giving incentives based on meeting your organization’s mission, goals, and values. Be timely, fair, and public with your incentives. Also, when putting together an incentive program, ask your customer service team what they would like as incentives. Many times organizations will invest thousands of dollars on incentives which are not the ones their customer service team wants. Just ask!

4)  Show Gratitude – Appreciate to motivate your customer service members as much as possible. Remember, many times they are facing very challenging customer service situations everyday. Keep them motivated by sharing your appreciation in a timely, sincere, fair, and encouraging way. By consistently showing appreciation, you will motivate your customer service team to excel when it is most difficult for them to do so.

5)  Support Outstanding Customer Service – Support and motivate your customer service team in a number of ways. You can support and motivate your customer service team by making sure the technology supports them and the customers. For example, I recently called my internet broadband company about a mistake on a bill. The automated system disconnected my call five times before I finally spoke with a customer service representative; and I told him that he must experience many upset customers if they experience the same. The customer service representative agreed and said it made his job very difficult.

Support your customer service team by “cheer leading” their concerns to upper management – which can turn out to be a very challenging task for many organizations. Champion their concerns to upper management and let your customer service team know the progress of each concern.

6)  Keep High Standards - Motivate your customer service team by keeping standards high for customer service. When your organization is facing challenging times, it is very tempting to lower standards. That’s the last action you should take. By lowering standards, you decrease customer satisfaction, increase customer service turnover, and muddy your organization’s name in the marketplace.

Apply these customer service motivation secrets with your customer service team and you will have highly motivated customer service teams and happy customers, and your organization’s bottom line will increase. You do not need a PhD or an NLP certification to apply the above techniques TODAY!

How to Get Instant Rapport with People?

Have you ever had the experience of meeting someone who you just click with? Those situations where, even though you may be seeing them for the first time, this person feels like an old friend?  This is an example of what psychologists call rapport.  Being able to get into rapport with other people isn’t just a key for successful influence; it’s also one of the most funs, enjoyable & relaxing skills you can learn.  People like to be around people who can get into rapport with them.

Researchers at the Boston University Medical School studied films of people having conversations.  The researchers noticed that the people talking began (unconsciously) to co-ordinate their movements (including finger movements, eye blinks and head nods.)  When they were monitored using electroencepholographs, it was found that some of their brain waves were spiking at the same moment too.  As the conversations progressed, these people were getting into rapport with each other. 

The phenomenon of rapport is well-known in the world of NLP and beyond as a starting-point for influential communication.  It’s mentioned in countless NLP and influence texts, and crops up in most sales training programs.  Yet what ‘is’ rapport, and how can you use it to help yourself and others?

Rapport has been described as what happens when we get the attention of someone’s unconscious mind, and meet them at their ‘map of the world.’  It is more commonly understood as the sense of ease and connection that develops when you are interacting with someone you trust and feel comfortable with.  Rapport emerges when people are ‘in-sync’ with each other.

Any group of two or more people can be described as a ‘system’.  Rapport is an emergent property of the system, like a fit of the giggles or a pregnant pause.  As such, it’s not possible to ‘cause’ or ‘do’ rapport; you can however massively increase the likelihood of rapport emerging when you are communicating with another person.

On a basic level, we like people who are like us.  One way to help rapport to develop is to mirror the micro-behaviors of those we wish to influence.  Any observable behavior can be mirrored, for example: 

• Body posture
• Hand gestures
• Head tilt 
• Vocal qualities (pace, rhythm, tonality)
• Key phrases
• Blink rate
• Facial expression
• Energy level
• Breathing rate
• Anything else that you can observe… 

To mirror another person, merely select the behavior or quality you wish to mirror, then do that behavior.  If you choose to mirror head tilt, when the person moves their head, wait a few moments, then move yours to the same angle.  The effect should be as though the other person is looking in a mirror.  When this is done elegantly, it is out of consciousness for the other person.  However, a few notes of caution are appropriate: 

• Mirroring is not the same as mimicry.  It should be subtle and respectful.
• Mirroring can lead to you sharing the other person’s experience.  Avoid mirroring people who are in distress or who have severe mental issues.
• Mirroring can build a deep sense of trust quickly.  You have a responsibility to use it ethically. 

Exercise 1
Practice mirroring the micro-behaviors of people on television (chat shows & interviews are ideal.)  You may be surprised at how quickly you can become comfortable as you subtly mirror the behaviors of others. 
Pacing and leading is one of the keys to influencing people.  It refers to meeting them at their map of the world (pacing) and then taking them where you want them to go (leading.)  Rapport is a basic, behavioral signal that you have met someone at their map of the world.  The simplest, most effective test for rapport is “if you lead, they follow.”
 
Exercise 2
Choose a safe situation to practice mirroring an element of someone else’s behavior.  When you have mirrored them for a while, and think you are in rapport with the person, scratch your nose.  If they lift their hand to their face within the next minute or so, congratulate yourself – you have led their behavior! 
Skilled communicators have a wide range of behaviors they can mirror to build rapport.  You can find a way to mirror virtually anything you can observe. 

Exercise 3
Increase the range of behaviors that you can mirror, and introduce deliberate rapport-building into situations where it will benefit you and others (nb. Use your common sense and choose low-risk situations to practice in.) 
Many people (especially in the area of sales) are familiar with rapport-building techniques and are particularly aware of body posture mirroring.  Cross-over matching involves matching another person’s behavior with a different behavior of your own (eg. matching their breathing rate to your head tilt, or their eye blinks to your foot-taps.)  This is a way of building rapport that is very difficult to detect, and still highly effective. 

Exercise 4
During a conversation with another person, choose one of their behaviors (eg. breathing rate) to cross-over match with one of your behaviors (eg. speaking rate.)  Notice how quickly the sense of connection develops!
The fact that you’ve read this far means that you can see the benefits of increasing your rapport skills.  Reading is sadly not enough – practice is the key to building skill, so do the exercises.  When you first start the practice of mirroring, you may have to pay some conscious attention to what you’re doing.  After a while, however, you will start to catch yourself doing it unconsciously.  This is where you really begin to build rapport elegantly with anyone you meet!  

Increasing Business Result Over The Phone!

The other day, I received this email from a recruitment consultant:

"I would just like to say a BIG, BIG thanks, I feel totally transformed, my “phone fear” has disappeared.  Its really quite weird, but I don't hesitate to pick the phone and ring people, in the past 10 days I've picked up 4-5 briefs.  When I see an opportunity I just grab it.

I've noticed a big difference in my day too, I just don't know where the hours go, and I wish there were longer hours in the day to fit everything in.  This will make you laugh, the last few days I've had lots of admin work, and haven't been able to get on the phone, I actually heard myself saying that 'I wish I was on the phone more' can you believe it?"

What would it be like if you felt the same way about your sales calls? Now, in order for you to be succeeding at your job, you must already be making sales calls, so I'm not talking about teaching you the basics here. I'm presuming you already do make calls, but maybe you tidy your desk, answer your emails and make a cup of coffee before you get yourself into the right mood. Maybe you stop after ten calls instead of stopping when the clients have all gone home. Maybe you make it harder for yourself than it needs to be.

Maybe you already love sales calls and you're already getting great results, in which case – why are you reading this? Get on the phone!

So, I'm presuming that you're reading this because you'd like to get the same results as the person who wrote that email. The good news is that this can happen very quickly. The longest this has ever taken was about an hour, the shortest about 10 seconds.

But how? Well, the exact process varies from one person to the next because every person I've ever worked with creates this situation in a slightly different, unique way – and so will you. Having said that, there are some general principles and patterns that I can tell you about that you can use right away to improve your approach and therefore your results.

Firstly, stop cold calling. It's difficult, time consuming and produces poor results. Instead, spend some time each day calling people you haven't spoken to before and finding out how you can help them.

Secondly, At the moment you pick up the phone to dial, what picture pops into your head? What does the voice in your head say? Do you begin your call by apologizing, or does your voice tone demonstrate the pride you take in your job? Just work through these simple steps, giving yourself time to think this through very carefully:

Imagine yourself sitting at your desk at the time you would begin making sales calls. As you imagine starting to dial, what picture pops into your head. Specifically, whose picture? If you find sales calls consistently difficult, I'm guessing the picture is of someone you don't have much in common with who doesn't look pleased to hear from you. If you find calls randomly difficult, I'm guessing there's no coherent picture. In either case, that's good news.

Next, imagine you're about to call your best friend or someone you like very, very much. You know exactly what I mean. As you dial, what picture pops into your mind? Now, stop and think about yourself – are you smiling? Are you sitting upright? Are you dialing eagerly? When you speak, does your tone of voice reflect this?

So, if you imagine someone who doesn't want to talk to you, simply imagine reaching out and grabbing the picture, screwing it into a ball and throwing it over your shoulder. Then simply draw a new picture of someone who looks like you, who you have something in common with and who looks pleased to hear from you, or at least open minded. Imagine calling that person and notice how your voice tone is different.

Practice this a few times, just repeating the process over and over. Imagine starting to dial, see the face of someone you want to talk to, hear your positive voice tone, notice how that feels nice to talk to someone who enjoys talking to you.

Thirdly, what do you say to yourself before, during and after the call? If it's in any way critical that's not helping. Often, the voice in your head has really valuable feedback but you don't hear it because it just sounds like nagging or criticism. Think again about sitting down to make your calls and this time pay attention to what you are saying to yourself. Change the voice tone to something more neutral, like a news reader, or to a voice that you like – even something sexy! Now, listen to what the voice tells you – is the information more useful? You can also ask questions back. If the voice is critical, say "Thank you! Now, how does that information help me?" or "Thank you! Now, what do you suggest I do differently?" Oddly enough, you'll find the same approach works very well with that person in the office who always offers you helpful criticism.

Last of all, you can't really control what happens during each call as you are not in control of the person at the other end. They might be busy or tired and you know the importance of respecting their state. So, no matter how each call goes, it's important to treat each call as if it's your first. There are many ways that you can quickly control your state, and the simplest for our purposes here is through your focus of attention. Think of a time in the past when you felt really confident and in control of yourself. Remember that time in all the detail you can, recalling what you saw, heard and felt. Maybe you even remember some smells and tastes. When you have all that, think of a word, color or piece of music that seems to represent it. Repeat this a few times so that the trigger becomes associated with the feeling. Now, in between calls simply replay the trigger and your state will switch to the confident, in control state.

After you have practiced all this for a day and then slept on it, your brain will build it into an unconscious calling routine for you so you won't even have to think in order to get good results. What's this based on? The principle that you are already following an unconscious process which is working perfectly for you. The process is fine but the results need a little tweak. By taking conscious control over the process and making some slight adjustments, you'll find that you can get surprising results, very quickly. How quickly? You'll only find out by finding out!